Jatzan Wonderpad - Update
Original story: September 14, 2011, Update October 3.
It's been expected, but Jatzan today announced that they have collaborated with HP on the design of the successor to the wildly successful Touchpad.
The Wonderpad will also run WebOS but with a Jatzan Sensi™ UI (user interface) which will bring a host of new features to the Wonderpad.
HP listened to feedback from Jatzan's
pet monkey testing department and have now incorporated a keyboard with actual real keys into the new design. The monkey Users said they were sick of fondling the onscreen imaginary keyboard and wanted one with actual moving raised plastic keys instead.
It also incorporates a plastic pen that you can use to point at the screen, dab the keys, or just chew the end off like normal.
Sleaker and more svelte than Apple's iPad 2, we think that this new sloberscreen is destined to shake up the applecart.
Specs for those of you that are interested:
- Platform: WebOs 4.0 (the only OS with added Jatzan Sensi™ UI - unforked of course)
- Display: 9-9-inch curved
- Resolution: 1784 x 999 (extra pixels for more onscreen fun)
- Processor: 1.67GHz Octo-core Qualcomm Snappydragon (
- Memory: 64k (anymore than this is just a waste)
- Storage: 65Gb (Beat that!)
- Front camera: 1.2 megapixel SAF* with quad-LED flash, 1080.5p video
- Rear camera: 6 megapixel, 1080.5p video
- Cellular radio: 3G, 4G and 5G
- WiFi: 802.11b/g/n and 803.11 n/m/p
- Bluetooth: 2.1 + EDR-MAX
- Accelerometer: 2 independent
- Gyroscope: 1.5 mercury induced liquidaformed
- Connectors: Dual unique USB 4 all-in-one quad ports
- Battery: Yes (it will definately have one)
- Thickness: 8.8mm
- Weight: 601g (about the weight of a dead hamster)
*SAF = Semi-Auto-Focus
Launch date for the Jatzan Wonderpad has not yet been set. Apparently, there is some difficuly getting hold LCD panels for the unique 1784 x 999 pixel, 9.9inch curved screens.
Jatzan have also promised that there will be an online bookstore launched at the same time, so that Jatzan Wonderpad owners can enjoy a good read. Ever popular titles such as "Pride and Prejudice", will be available for free to download from the Jatzan Bookstore™, at a great low aquisition cost of $9.99, while stocks last.
New York Times Bestsellers will not be available from the bookstore, as there are too many books with long words in them that we can be sure Wonderpad buyers will not be enthralled with. We can announce that the entire range of "Harry Potty" books will be available to delight Wonderpad owners of all ages.
The Wonderpad is already being touted as the 'Kindle Killer". In fact, the touts are totally correct; the Wonderpad will have a range of defence and attack mechanisms built into the device, which will be automatically engaged should a Wonderpad come into spitting distance of a Kindle. One such defence, a unique blend of hydrochoric acid and baby oil has been designed to render the Kindle inoperative once the Wonderpad has injected it in through the power socket. Our big team of expensive lawyers are currenly checking to see if Jeff Bezos has patented this idea already, in which case we may need to tweak it.
No need to ask about the availability of Apps for the Wonderpad.The Jatzan AppStore™ will have a range of titles available to download from day one. "Angry Puffins", "BeJoolled", and "Get high with Friends" have been totally rewritten to give Jatzan Wonderpad users a totally new and sensational experience. Players will be able to compete with other Wonderpad players around the world, should they be able to find them.
Jatzan have colluded very closely with the factories located in a secret far-eastern location, to create a stunning array of accessories that will be launched sometime in the second quarter.
A power lead will be an ideal gift for the Wonderpad user whose battery has run down. This $39.99 adapter allows the user to directly connect the Wonderpad to the mains electricity in his or her home or office. The adapter will then suck electricity from the mains supply and force it into the Wonderpad's battery, allowing the device to be used even while disconnected, for up to 1.5 hours. Jatzan can make no guarantees as to the safety of using this adapter while plugged into the mains supply, as electricity is dangerous.
Jatzan are currently accepting backorders for the Wonderpad. To ensure that you get your hands on one before your mates do, contact us immediately with your credit card number, or that of a friend.
At this time, a retail price has not been set, so to ensure your order is processed, please send at least 600 dollars to cover the probable promotional price of the bog-standard level-entry Wonderpad. A grand should cover one with a bit more umph. There are no options at the moment for extended warranties, sorry, or even any warranties.
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